People talk about gateway drugs a lot. They usually argue about marijuana being a gateway drug and paving the way for use of heavier drugs.

In my experience, I did use weed before junk. I did not go in search of something stronger though. I never really liked pot and haven't used it in a long time. I used certain drugs because I was encouraged to by "friends" or a boyfriend.

I began seeing this guy who was a few years older than I was in one early summer. He asked me several times if I wanted to try junk. I kept saying no because I didn't like needles, like most other people. He just kept telling me how good it was. Finally, I agreed to try it and I didn't stand a chance after that first time. I wanted to feel like that all day, every day, for the rest of my life. Then I built up a habit by that winter. If it was easily available, tolerance would increase because it was there. If it wasn't available, the habit would sometimes end with that absence, only to start fresh when more was found. Then it built up again, and that cycle just continued for over 10 years.

A few years after that, I started using alcohol when I couldn't get my hands on any heroin. I knew nothing could compare with the good feeling of H. but other things would "take the edge off" the anxiety or sickness (symptoms of withdrawal).

I know someone who while smoking a joint with his dad, was told absolutely to never try heroin - it was too good. He never did try it so what dad did in that case worked. For some people, telling them not to do something is like painting a red line along the most direct path! I was somewhat like that.

Don't do dope. You'll come to regret it and look back at all that time and money you squandered wondering what might have been if.... What's worse, is you might have to look back from prison or the grave you weren't ready for.

Sincerely, mindinari

The first dose of heroin made me feel complete. I felt like I was content and complete. Each time I used after that, I was trying to get that feeling of complete-ness again. I tried for a decade but never found that feeling again.

About 5 months after I began a 12 step program, I started getting little bits of those good feelings. Prayer and meditation would bring them on. As time went on, I gradually came to a place where happiness was my usual way of being.

This is one of those strange ironies of life -

The more I used drugs to get that feeling again, the further it got away from me. Once I stopped using, I could bring on those feelings by myself.

Don't do drugs.

It is important to get this message across so I won't exaggerate or lie about drugs or the years I spent just living for dope. I had friends die of heroin overdose. I had friends arrested, stabbed, and ripped off.

When an addict goes to bed at night, if he has a "wake-up" he is OK. Without something to use the first thing in the morning, he doesn't go to bed because he won't sleep. As soon as he wakes up, he fixes the "wake-up" and starts to think about when he'll need more dope and how he'll get it.

The moment an addict begins the day, he is only thinking of getting some more dope. Addicts don't really enjoy a high any more. The dope only takes away the sickness and makes him feel normal again.

People think addicts use dope to get high but that is wrong. It is to end pain, emotional, physical, or spiritual pain. You have to take dope to deal with the bad things you do to get it.

Don't use dope. It is a really dumb thing to do. You usually end up in jail and maybe later you die. You might steal from your best friend and your family, you turn into a prostitute, you sell drugs to other people and get them strung out so you have customers. You turn into a different person. You get hepatitis, hiv, or aids. You suffer. Nobody trusts you any more.

I spent around 12 years actively addicted and living for drugs, especially heroin. I was on methadone a couple times and was arrested so many times it's hard to remember exactly how many. I stopped shooting heroin but I still crave it. A twelve step program helped me and I was in a drug court program. I had to stop or go to prison for a long time.

I almost died 3 times. Once a nurse at the methadone clinic accidentally gave me too much and I was in the hospital for 3 days. She left town because she felt so bad about it. She was a really nice person and I hope she gets over her bad feelings about what happened.

I overdosed on heroin twice. One of those times, these guys I met in a pool hall said I could go to their house to hang out. I was really high and kept nodding out. I would have been busted if a cop saw me. The guys seemed nice. I don't remember the night, but the next morning when I woke up all my cigarettes were gone and my car was on empty. No one else was at the house then but my underwear was pulled all crooked and I was all wet around my crotch. I was raped, I guess, but I don't know how many did it or if they were sick with bad diseases. I have always blamed myself for being in that situation and being gang raped. There were around 7 or 8 guys at that house the night I went there.

Please don't do drugs. If you do, you are not in control of your life.

It does make me feel like there is a hero in my body. It made me feel complete. From the first time I tried it, I found my hero. I know what they said, you'll do bad things to get it. You'll get addicted to it. I thought, "no, I'd never do those things". I'm here to tell you I did every single thing I said I wouldn't. And then some.

Stay free - don't do dope.
mindinari